I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
