Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
