Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
