i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
