What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
