Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
