one might say we're banned from that church
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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