your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
