# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
