If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
