I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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