just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
