Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need a burrito and a hug.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
