i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
