he puts the penis in happiness.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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