im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
