I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
