If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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