I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We had sex on a dog bed..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
