Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
