Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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