I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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