he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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