I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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