he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
