She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
