i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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