White coat. Heels.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
