Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
