I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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