he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
