Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
