i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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