just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
