# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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