Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
