So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
