He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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