4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
