hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
