I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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