The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
