is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
