She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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