All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
