There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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