I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
