trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
