dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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