I just threw up on my dentist
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
