I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
honey bunches of taint.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
