he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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